Guys. GUYS.
OK so cooking is awesome and you should do it.
Step 1: Avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup. HCFC. ESPECIALLY in cocktails. Don’t ask why I know this. Anyway the best and easiest way to avoid HCFC cocktails is by making your own simple syrup! Its EASY! Boil 1 cup of water. When boiling add in 2 cups of sugar. Reduce heat and allow sugar to fully disolve.
Many cocktails call for lime flavors, like gimlets and such. So adding a shot of lime juice while you boil the water won’t hurt. Makes nice limey syrup. Or you could add some vanilla extract or cardamom or whateverthefack I don’t know your life. But what happens is magic…the 2 cups of sugar disolve in the water and juice or whathaveyou and makes a lovely syrup. Chill it, and bottle it (I used an old washed-out wine bottle) and you have homemade HCFC-free simple syrup. Use it liberally in cocktails, preferably on a Thursday night.
Step 2: Roast a chicken. Buy a chicken. Remove the innards, if it comes with innards. Feed them to your HAPPY HAPPY DOG (it will love you…just give it to him raw, he will love it and its fine) or just save them and do something involving gravy with them. Anyway. Sprinkle liberal amounts of kosher salt, cracked pepper, herbs du provence*, and stuff the thing with a whole lemon that you stabbed (STAB IT ALL OVER WITH A FORK) lemon and roast in a pan that catches delicious juices at 375 until its DONE (at least an hour) and you will love yourself and love your chicken. *herbs du provence is a mixture of herbs that French people can’t seem to live without, but its delicious and I love it, and you can buy some in the store or google it and make it yourself. But it makes things taste like AMAZING.
Step 3: BEEF STROGANOFF.
1-2 lbs ground sirloin
1 chopped white onion
1 lb chopped mushrooms
1 tbsp butter
Tarragon, thyme, salt, pepper
1 cup dry white wine (or wet, wine is wet, whatever)
1 cup sour cream (ITS OK TO USE LOW FAT NOBODY JUDGES YOU HERE)
cooked pasta. Or rice or potatoes, something starchy and cooked.
Cook the beef in a pan with tarragon and thyme. Put beef in a colander and let it drain. DO NOT RINSE YOUR DAMN PAN. Add butter and chopped onions. Saute the onions til they’re soft and fragrant. You will know this by their delicious and delectable fragrance and softness. Add chopped mushrooms. When the shrooms are coated with butter and softly brown, add your cup of white wine.
Its best to turn off the heat when you do this so not to set your house of fire. Once the wine is in the pan though turn the heat back on HIGH. Let the wine boil down until it is like glaze on the stuff in the pan. This is your cue to turn the heat off and add back in the cooked beef. Stir it for a second, then add the cup of sour cream. Stir in the sour cream while salting and peppering the hell out of it until it tastes how you want. You’ll know.
Serve over those cooked noodles (or rice or potatoes) I told you to have a few paragraphs ago. Didn’t you make them? No? Why didn’t you listen to me? I clearly outlined the steps above.
Enjoy your stroganoff.
Step 4: Don’t drink the rest of the wine after you make the stroganoff. Then you end up posting on Tumblr.
Reblogged so I can find it later and make all of it.
